Drugs have always been a problem anywhere in the world and that has been going on for years and years, probably even before many of us were born. But what’s the deal with using drugs? Is it the illegality of the substance? The wrongfully earned money? The recreational yet somewhat harmful use? I don’t think it’s any of those. Even more so, I think those problems stem from one thing – addiction. People seem to forget that drugs aren’t the only things with which you can develop an addiction. Simply put, I find addiction to be what I’d like to describe as the hook after the high. It doesn’t really matter what it is: food, sex, drugs, alcohol, shopping, it all boils down to one conclusion – the incredible feeling of a euphoric rush after you did something reckless, as if something breathed a new life into you. But that’s what addition does, doesn’t it? It breathes in a sense of life and then sucks it back out. One shot leads to another, then another then it becomes a series of shots. What you did for something as a way to get away from your problems became the source of your problems. Something that you did to make your life less miserable as it is made your life a constant state of misery. You now wake up and realize that it is something that you think you can’t do without so you go to lengths to get it – sell what you own, sell questionable things, sell your pride and dignity or sell your soul.

So what really is the problem? Is the problem what you do in itself or what it causes you to do? If you ask me, I think it’s both.

I like to think that addiction is a sort of a disease but a disease that you contracted your lifestyle, a disease that affects not only you but other people too. But there are parts of me that think it isn’t a disease and believes that it is a result of poor decision making and bad judgement. I eventually began thinking it is a result of both. You can blame anyone you want: yourself, your dopeman, your family, your ex, your abusive uncle but somewhere along the way before doing what you did, you thought ‘hey, maybe this can help me for a while’ until the unfortunate eventuality of dependency happened. It’s not something you planned, it’s not something you wanted but it happened. So, maybe everything is to blame but it is a fact of life that bad things happen and you understood and ignored the consequences of your choices resulting in your addiction.

But people make mistakes and people need to face oblivion and fight their way out of it to redeem themselves and make them stronger than who they were before.

Sure, maybe you did beat yourself to the punch and you most likely did things and made choices you’d regret but is it a life worth living to keep beating yourself up about it? Wouldn’t life be significantly better if you tried to make reparations to the things you did that hurt people you love? That’s probably all they want, you’d give them that sense of peace in their lives. Then maybe they can be happy and you can be happy because you finally got a grip and did things the right way. It is a lot of work but who said things would be easy? Things never are easy. I believe that a good life is a life that’s worth working hard for but what matters most is what you get out of it. The joy, the forgiveness and finally the peace that you deserve that you worked hard to earn. Maybe you aren’t there yet and maybe you’re thinking about it. Things aren’t always about what you can do for yourself. It’s about what you can do to other people too. Life is more fulfilling when realize you have been someone who’s brought positive change. To some, it might not make sense now but it might eventually be a reality or a wake up call.

That’s probably what addiction is, the illusion of heaven to a life of hell until you eventually break free and live a life searching for peace.

Credits to Betty for the edit.

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About Kay

Queen of the Memelords and believes that Harambe lives in our hearts and that Bush did 9/11. Heavily into writing, tech stuff, work and older men. Works as a Chinese cook under the name of 'Stacie' at a Korean barbeque that serves kittens guised as chickens. 'She loves my BBC. I am her favorite sex slave.' - VoliminalVirus

22 thoughts on “Addiction

  1. Beautiful post @staciejaxx. I’m a recovering alcoholic and did all kinds of drugs in my teens. I know a lot about addictive personality and addiction itself. NI don’t believe imo that it is a disease. It’s more like you said, something in your life and life style that you grow a routine out of. Breaking away from it is hard as hell and leaves behind many scares. But imo again this is how life is. Regret and pride, seeking refuge from life itself. And righting wrongs if you care enough about the ones whom you’ve wronged. But you must care for yourself enough to try and change for the ones who love and support you, they deserve it. Even if you think you don’t.

    • That’s a great point there, @deathoverdue. I’m a recovering alcoholic myself I can’t say I’m fully sober but I am doing my damn best. I think being addicted to something is a mix of everything.

      And you’re right. I think recovery is rectifying wrongs.

      • I know if it was not for the hangover after a night out drinking, I would be an alcoholic too, but I hate being sick and having head spins the next day so I don’t drink anymore by choice just because of the hangover.

  2. Well said @staciejaxx , I agree. Addiction is a result of poor decision making and bad judgement, you made a choice, nobody forced you to do it. I don’t know why but this post reminds me of the song, Piano Man by Billy Joel. How you do things for temporary relief to get away from reality a bit. Addiction is like that, you think your in heaven but the reality is that it’s just temporary and it’s hard to get out of.

  3. Great post @staciejaxx. I have personally cried my eyes out to you about my own addiction, and you’ve 100% understood where I was coming from every time. Being free of addiction is one of the most bittersweet feelings I’ve ever experienced. Great because it’s finally over, bad because how do I escape now? Thankfully I have a few amazing people in my life. And even though I’ve had a couple mess ups, going on 3 1/2 years being sober is still surreal to me sometimes.

  4. Well said, i dont have much to say about it. All it takes is just a slight slip, either by your own fault or by someone’s influence, and you’ll be falling down to that disgrace. People still fail to prevent that, and i must add that its not impossible to do so. They believe that saying “no” in certain situations is a taboo, and unfortunatelly today’s “trends” and disinformation pulls people to try them… In the end, its their choice to do so because its the easiest way out of their miseries, dispist what they say, denying that it wasnt their choice at all. Its their lack of interest in searching other measures, due to the fact that they dont value themselves or their own dignity that pulls them to make themselves into their own “guinnea pigs”, trying a bit of everything, and fail to distinct right from wrong in the process, turning into moral nihilists for a moment untill regret falls upon them.

  5. The human body is just very weak!
    It’s always looking for some sort of high/stimulating feeling, something orgasmic, a prefect taste…. once it finds it, it wants more and more of it until we become a slave to it.
    I don’t think it’s a disease, I think it’s becoming a slave to that feeling that our delicate little mushy brain needs so badly
    or else it will start to fight back with withdrawals if you stop because it’s a little weak whiney bitch of an organ. Is our brain an organ??
    Anyway, it’s really a battle within our mind, rather than the poisen that were addicted to.
    Do you really want to lose your own battle to something that looks like a big wrinkly ass thats been under water for a very long time? Are you gonna let something that looks like that own you?
    That’s the only battle you have to win.
    After all, it’s where all you decision making comes from.
    Btw @yournextexgirl , you’re not sober for 3 1/2 years, you’re just sober πŸ˜‰ Good job!

  6. I could write a LOT here.
    But for those with personal experience of addiction (therefore understanding), for those with NO experience,but some empathy with addicts and addiction – and for those who think junkies are “SCUM”…. i would like all, with open mind, to watch this (rather cuetsy) video which makes some EXCELLENT points. Heroin is used as the example in the video, but (of course) it could be replaced with any substance or behaviour of addiction and the same points hold true.

    • @obli this reminds me of one of my favourite movies, No Country for Old Men, the terrifying Anton Chigurh has a line “If the rule that you followed lead you to this of what use was the rule?”
      I think of that from time to time when I accomplish something as well as when I royally fuck up. I’ve experienced addiction and fully realize the pain and frustration of finding yourself in a hole, to know you should stop digging but not knowing how to put the shovel down. While confronting dependency there were times that felt like everything was moving in fast forward and times when it felt like my blood was running backwards. Like @staciejaxx said, there is always a chemical aspect to addiction to any substance or behaviour but to me the scariest thing is the psychological loop the mind gets stuck in where the solution is plain to see but the haze of temporary euphoria blurs it out or it never occurs to the mind to look for it in the first place.
      Self awareness and a semi regular checkup on the rules I’ve chosen, where they have brought me and where they may lead have been my best resources in breaking that tangled web. I’ve gone from facing problems and mistakes with apathy to finding pride in them and challenging myself to be my best.

      “Every decision we have ever made has brought us to this moment”
      “You’re not three and a half years sober, you’re just sober”
      “We are what we repeatedly do, excellence is not an act but a habit”
      “I love ya girl, time and space and circumstance decree”

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