The ‘S’ Word

The 'S' Word

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We see it so much. Actually, you can say we are bombarded with it. In TV, in social media, in movies and well, it’s pretty much around here in riGOREmortis (we’re gonna abbreviate that as RGM) but have we actually talked about it? I can’t recall one particular time where we discussed it in full detail. Like a plague, it affects so many people and it is highly avoided.

Suicide.

You can’t blame people why they avoid the topic of suicide. It presents both moral and ethical dilemma for many. Think about it. We believe it is wrong to kill yourself yet at the same time we believe it is even more wrong to prolong a person’s suffering. That’s why most of us are against torture and murder. It really explains why we’re against suicide. Regardless of religion, age, gender, social status and whatsoever factors that divide and classify us, one thing for sure is that we have an idea of what’s acceptable and what’s not. We are social animals. That’s how we thrived for a couple hundreds of thousands of years as a species – by our ability to communicate which ensures the survival of our species.

Suicidal thoughts form and stem from a variety of causes. It is said to be from various reasons: mental illnesses, genetic predisposition (mainly for mental illnesses), environmental factors, tormenting physical diseases and so forth but really, it all takes just one bad day…followed by another bad day then another bad day until you begin to question yourself and think that it’s easier to just give up. Maybe you went through divorce, maybe you lost your job, maybe your parents ended up on riGOREmortis. There are 101 reasons why we have bad days and there’s only so much one can bear hence, something goes awry inside the head that makes it reasonable for someone to think that self-destruction is the best way to cope. Aren’t we programmed like that, though? I think that’s why we have ‘Uninstall’ and ‘Delete’ options and ‘Self-Destruct’ buttons. One way or the other, we open that option to just one day, opt-out and escape whatever we might have gotten into.

There are so many ways a person can try to end their mortal existence but none of them work 100% of the time. There are ten most lethal methods that people die:

1. Shotgun to the head,
2. Cyanide,
3. Gunshot to the head,
4. Shotgun to the chest,
5. Explosives,
6. Hit by train,
7. Jump from height,
8. Gunshot to the chest,
9. Hanging
and 10. Auto crash.

Much as I’d love to share where I got this from, I’d rather not. I don’t want the information to get to the wrong hands and I don’t want it to be my fault why someone killed themselves.

Some of us might have heard someone utter the words, ‘I want to kill myself.’ Hell, maybe some of us have mentioned it at some point in our lives to someone. Maybe some have acted on it, maybe some just wanted to get sympathy and compassion and, of course, there are the unfortunate few that succeeded and ended up on the GORE page.

Suicide is there. Suicide is a problem and, like most problems, it needs to be discussed. So, why don’t we? Is it because we can’t or is it because we won’t? There’s a huge difference in those words and I understand why many don’t want to hear about it. They think the other person is just being a drama king/queen or  just trying to get attention or just won’t push through the action itself and uses it to manipulate an intended person. I won’t deny those, they actually ring true. Most don’t push through with it. Most just tell people ‘I want to kill myself’ for attention and cravings for sympathy. It’s sad, either way. Either they actually hurt themselves or be driven to desperation to try gain sympathy via self-destruction. It’s hard to know for sure who intends to do it or not. But, you know what? I have had a few people talk to me abouttheir secret: that they actually have tried to kill themselves. In fact, these people have trusted me so much that they told me about it. These are former lovers and close friends, mind you. These aren’t some random people or strangers. They spent so many years contemplating about it and some actually pushed through with it but failed. It’s relieving to hear they’ve failed and if you’re Asian, that would be the weirdest thing you can ever say. They don’t tell anyone about it. At all. Ever. Now that’s frightening. Maybe we don’t talk about it because the real people who tried and are planning about it never talk about it. It’s frightening because someone sleeping next to you or someone you just went out last night to have drinks with might have this shadow of dark thought over them that they never choose to speak about.

Now, I don’t intend to make a public service announcement of condemning it nor am I going against the code of ethics I abide in by condoning it. Like the idea of Justice, it stands on neutral ground – at least, that’s the way how I see it. Although, I was hoping when I first penned this article that maybe if I brought light to the topic, we no longer would be strangers to it. I may have went to school for psychology and have been with people who suffered depressive disorders but there are still so many times that I am in the dark about it, Maybe, just maybe, we can try to talk about it and no longer feel awkward or odd about it.

So, what do you think about it?

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46 thoughts on “The ‘S’ Word

  1. Great post. Suicide is still a very taboo issue. While being acceptable in many Asian cultures there is still a strong urge to prevent people from doing this type of thing. As you said, we are social animals and have a natural instinct to preserve our lives and the lives of others… for the most part but that’s another topic altogether haha.

    I can understand why people choose this option as i have been there myself. but i can’t help but think it’s best to keep going. but in the case of incurable terminal illness… i think the individual has the right to chose their own death so to speak.

    • Thanks, Obli πŸ˜€

      Uhm, it actually depends which part of Asia. In Eastern Asia like Japan and China, they’d much prefer to kill themselves rather than face failure or shame. Far as I know, the Japanese call the act ‘harakiri.’ In countries like mine, it really is a big issue though because most in here are Christian so they believe that suicide is wrong. About terminal illness, I think that is personal choice too. Personally, I think it is terrible to see someone get ravaged by terminal illness.

      And yes, I believe that is another topic lol but it is important to mention it in the article nonetheless and I’d hate to make the article longer than it really is hahaha

      • Yes Japan and China it is the honorable way out of a bad situation. Although I could never understand your grades as being reason to actually kill yourself (in that case i probably would have been honor-killed by my family for my grades!) but I understand it is the culture and success is the be all end all. Opposite of America where laziness is rewarded it seems… but i digress haha

        i meant that the humans have a natural instinct to preserve life was a debatable topic for another discussion, Many internal and external factors can change a human being into becoming misanthropic or even murderous. But it seems for the most part, a humans first instinct is to help someone who is in trouble.

        • The grades thing is true lol Asian parents really have high expectations for their children because they put so much effort into how they make money. It’s not easy to make money in places like this and everyone in here believes that you need to have at the bare minimum a four year degree at a good school to amount to anything. Actually, a bachelor’s doesnt mean so much now. An MA or MS is like, the only way you can get to somewhere now lol or like, 5 years experience at the age of 21 hahahahahaha

          And yeah, Obli. I totally get that. Maybe we should write about that some time, eh? πŸ˜€

          • I had no idea it was that bad over there with that. I knew about the restoring honor to the family but I didn’t think they took it so seriously.

          • @eyez2die4 Mostly for people from the middle to upper class it is true. Very rarely do lower class people give a fuck about it. I am in the poverty line though but it still happens. Not gonna kill myself over a B though but shit I don’t think I’d be a member of the family if I a C hahahahahaha

  2. most effective way to kill yourself with a gun is to put the barrel in your mouth. the bullet tears out the back of your head, destroying the reptilian brain at the base of your skull and kills you instantly.

    just saying!

  3. Well since this is a topic about suicide I can say that I have tried to kill myself. I have been dealing with medical problems for years now and I’m on pain medication just to be able to move around also depression medication. I have several reasons why I tried but each time I failed. Of course I used my pain medication to try. For me it just boiled down to me not being strong enough. Looking back, it was all easy stuff to get over but at the time it was life ending for me. The only reason I became stronger was for my son. He’s my lil life savor. To me he saved me the last time and it finally clicked in my head that I can’t leave him, he still needed me as his mother, supporter, friend, and protector. After that I became a stronger person mentally. I don’t feel any shame about it and it’s not a secret to my family, friends and even doctors. If someone thinks about it, I try to show them there are things in life still living for even if now it might not seem like it.
    I do believe in mercy killings though. If some is in pain and slowly dying I think helping them pass is a good thing. If they are ready to go then help them. It’s no type of life sitting in pain just waiting to die. Now if it’s someone who is just depressed thinking it’s the only way out, to me that’s a little different and I will try to help them see past it to the future. If I can’t and it’s what they want to do then you can’t stop them because they will do it either way. I won’t hold judgement against them, I’m the last person that can judge them iv been in their spot before. Some people are not strong enough, others are. Unfortunately this world is not made for the weakest or meek or close minded because it will catch up to them in one way or the other and they will be tested.

    • I completely agree with the mercy killings thing. If we had the Die With Dignity law in my state, I would definitely vote yes for it. Watching someone slowly die, seeing how helpless they feel.. is a horrible thing. If they are terminal and they want to die before they get to that point.. I would support their decision.

    • I agree with the assisted suicide thing too.

      Yes, wanting to die via depression is very different than dying with a terminal illness. I think mainly because depression can still be treated whereas terminal illness is pretty much the end of the line for someone.

      No matter how much we’ve advanced with modern psychology, though, there are so many people who attempt and succeed. It’s really saddening.

      • I tried to commit suicide 2 years ago, I didn’t even realise anything was wrong with me; I had never been diagnosed with any sort of mental health problem. I had been having crying spells for weeks, maybe longer. It was a combination of thigs that set me off, mstly because I wanted help and tried to get it but kept getting turned down. I was starting to hate myself because I thought that I was doing something wrong not to deserve the help. Anyway one day after several bad things happened in a row, I decided enough was enough and tried to end it all. I took medication, took my coclear implant off, laid down on the bed and waited. Someone tried to call me and couldn’t get hold of me, they phoned the police who came to my house along with an ambulace. They broke down the laundry room window and took me to the psych ward at the hospital. I was there for 5 days and honesty they didn’t help me at all! They said that the amount of meds I took should have killed me and they couldn’t understand how I was still alive, awake and talking. Turns out I have a very rare enzime in my blood that means that any narcotics I take will not show up on any tests (apart from my hair) this is because my body just absorbs them and it’s like they were never there. I am now on anit-depressants and will be sarting anti-anxiety meds soon. They diagnosed me with depression, PTSD, abandonment disorder, anxiety and a couple of other things. I am in a better place now despite losing most of my vision a year ago. I am in councelling every week and life is moving on for me. In a quirky way, I don’t regret what happened becuase it made me see sense in that I never ever want to be in that ‘place’ again.

  4. Amazing post, @staciejaxx. I have been in some really dark places several times, but I’ve never really went far enough to take it to that point. I completely understand why and how people could though. I guess I just always try to see things as tomorrow is a new day. Things never stop changing and things can get better. Just the hope of that was enough to keep me here I guess. I don’t judge people or think they are cowards for doing it. But I’d always try to talk someone out of it if I knew they were in that kind of place.

  5. I have a question for everyone since we’re on the topic of suicide and mercy killings:
    #1- what if a child said they wanted to commit suicide?
    #2- what if a child was born with a terminal illness, would it be a mercy killing to help the child pass?
    Now when i mean child I mean 10 and under. We all know that when talking to another adult about this, it’s a bit easy then talking to a child. I personally think talking to a child about it is something that shouldn’t be done or brought up. Children are a lot more innocent than adults to the world and it’s affects on people but now they are exposed to so much of it. I told my son the truth about what I did but he was so young that I don’t think he fully understood. Dispite all the jokes that can be made when a child passes it’s deeply saddening. What is everyone else’s view on this??

      • I have heard of a few children making the choice to pass on, but what about a child that was born with terminal illness, do you keep them alive until they are old enough to make the choice. Seeing that picture of the baby with the Harlequin disease made me wonder about it. That baby would be in pain everyday. It would kill me knowing my child is in pain and I couldn’t do anything about it. That’s why I asked the questions I did, when is a child old enough to make that choice and what about a baby born with terminal illness. I honestly don’t know. I know for me I couldn’t watch my child suffer but I couldn’t lose my child either. There are so many way this topic can go. Talking about it with a child I feel is more hush hush than it would be with an adult where it’s more in the open and more easily talked about.

  6. My dad did it but his method (intentional overdose) isn’t listed. The day after my 26th birthday, I got the call from my mom that nobody wants to get. He had put 2 extra Fentanyl (apparently the same shit Prince died from) pain patches on (for a total of 3) before going to bed and he never woke up. If your going to do it, that is a pretty peaceful and non messy way.

  7. People see it as a solution, and honestly, having been on that side, its a challenge ( thats how i lost all my emotions btw… πŸ˜† ). It all depends on one’s devotion to carry on and see how things progress in the future, or how they see their image about their future. Most of them dont see that, and end up only focusing on their current state, believing that things cant get any better… even though some arent exactly wrong on that, but they dont care giving it even a chance. For those that do, the mental scars of overcoming suicide are still nasty… its not something that you can forget.

      • It’s a hard subject to discuss, even with the closest people in your life. No one can truly understand how you are feeling or how your brain comes up with the crap it does. There was only one person I told about me being suicidal and that’s only because he came to me, listened and told me about him trying to kill himself. Though I’m sure it was obvious to many people in my life, no one has brought it up but that one friend. It’s a subject way too taboo in today’s culture and driving too many people to kill themselves. (a lot the best and the brightest) I’m glad my friend came to me otherwise I may not be here.

        • It really can be tricky to talk to someone who expresses something about suicide because there’s always risks involved. Well, at least there is on my end. Most of the time, what people have are just thoughts and some carry on with those thoughts and unfortunately there are those who only say they’re suicidal to get attention and I think that’s how most people perceive it to be. I personally think it is best to always take the chance and talk to someone suicidal even if it is for attention or not. Either way, both are issues.

          I’m glad your friend took the chance with you and helped you live another day and many more. πŸ˜€

  8. @staciejaxx when I was 18 my best friend hung herself. It was such a shock. There were no warning signs, nothing. She was acting completely normal, even the day before she did it. I did notice she was taking a lot more notice of her surrounding, and people who we saw. Thinking back I guess she was basically savouring everything and taking one last look at the beauty of life. This was 19 years ago and it still affects me to this day. With Heather ending her life, in a way my life ended for 8 years, the only way i knew how to cope with the guilt and grief was through self destruction. Drugs, drink, burning myself, cutting myself, stabbing myself etc. It was a bad time. On one occasion I almost cut my own arm off, sawed through it with a stake knife. Grief effects people in different ways . The people left behind suffer after the suicide if a loved one. Where I live there is no help for them.
    Anyhow, that’s enough from me. Thank you for bringing up this topic, I never speak about it or my experience. Thanks hun

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